I had to become sick the day I have to work 2pm-12am the tomorrow work 6:30 am -2pm. UHH... I started school on wed. I am in microeconomics, calculus, info tech, a careers class, and accounting. I am so scared of falling behind on my first day I did so much reading and homework. A guy I know, Josh, started there too. I have been trying to help him around campus and get everything settled. He was really nervous so I tried to help make everything easier on him so he can relax a bit. I got my own place Aug 1st. I got my own apt. I love it. I am trying to keep it all cleaned up cause I dont want it to be dirty : ).

Summertime

So far this summer has been going great. I went VIP to Cross Canadian Rag weed concert with Kevin, my bro, sis-in-law and cousin. Then went and hung out with my dad on his new house boat. Its my easy week at work. I dont wanna work THAT much! Chriss has a job now (gas station). Mom is now only part time :( . Kevin is about to lose his job. I havent hardly ate in 6 days. Everytime I try I can only like 3 bites and thats it. I ate some ramon noodles last night tho. My stomach still hurts from it! its been over 12 hr! I hung out with Mary for a few. Zidane is so cute! he has such a good personality! I got one of his 5 month pics. I havent seen Chriss's baby boy in awhile. Uriah Jr was born on April 4th. Ran into Lydia, shes preg with her second kid. I spend all day wed with Tori and Mariah. Mariah is such a precious lil girl. I was teaching her to jump on momma bed :) When we were at my house the dogs were fighting. Kevin was going sik sik sik to Kali and Mariah was trying to copy him. It was so cute. then Weston kissed on top of her head and she started shakin her finger at him and gripin him out. she has grown so much. 1 yr and 4 months!

STRESSED

OK.. I was REALLY pissed cause I have been screwed over by so many friends. I am not the type that can be upset then stay pissed and never forgive.. I usually just blow it off.. It builds up and drives me INSANE! Jonas.. a few things taht pissed me off in the past that I never got out.. he griped at me.. when in the beginning I dont count it as cheating cause I didnt know he thought me and him were that serious. I thought it was more something we were talkin about I go and meet him and see where it goes. Yet he could talk about how he couldnt get over Jackie and all the stuff that happened there. Then he went out with Mikayla chick and griped about how she wouldnt do anything with him.. He would be with her all the time and he didnt tell me. Had videos on his phone of her getting dressed and other girls tits and stuff on his phone then right there infront of me compare me and the other girls and tell me what was better about them and point out my flaws.. theres much much more.. but I dont have time to type it all right now. Kendra... Screwed me over bad when I lived with her.. charged me 1/2 of everything. I dont know y I stayed there for so long. I didnt wanna move back in with mom cause I felt like it would be so much hassle. i tried tellin Kendra I couldnt keep paying half.. No one cared that I was breakin my back to do stuff. I worked full time and went to OBU full time. The only time she talked to me was when the guys were over and Chris was ignoring her or she wanted money.. Tori. I love her to death. ut it has been starting to really bug me how she talks to me one day then ignores me for like a month! She was suppose to come over and she went to Amandas instead.. thats fine but could she not atleast text me and say hey I cant come over or SOMETHING.. I feel like I am not even apart of her life cause she will not talk to me! It took me 2 months to finally get ahold of anyone in the first place. I was pissed at Weston.. I gave him 20 bucks and he let me use so much on his food stamps but the card was cancelled.. So I got really pissed. he said he got his job back and he would pay me.. we will see.. 

I am almost threw with school.. a few more days!

OKLAHOMA

Love The Summer? 
Poolville , Oklahoma  
Sunray, Oklahoma  

Want Something To Eat? 
Corn, Oklahoma 
Grainola, Oklahoma 
Hominy, Oklahoma 
Olive, Oklahoma 
South Coffeeville, Oklahoma 
Sweetwater, Oklahoma 
Cookietown, Oklahoma 

Why Travel To Other Cities? Oklahoma Has Them All! 
Cleveland, Oklahoma 
Orlando, Oklahoma 
Miami, Oklahoma 
Pittsburgh, Oklahoma 
Santa Fe, Oklahoma 
St. Louis, Oklahoma 
Chattanooga, Oklahoma 
Peoria, Oklahoma 
Burbank, Oklahoma 
Fargo, Oklahoma 

Don't Forget The Wildlife! 
Wolfe , Oklahoma  
Eagle, Oklahoma  
Buffalo , Oklahoma  
Fox, Oklahoma  
Bison, Oklahoma 
Deer Creek , Oklahoma  
Elk City, Oklahoma  

We Have A Town Named After A Number... 
Forty-One, Oklahoma 

And A Town Who's Letter's Don't Spell Anything... 
IXL, Oklahoma  

And For The Sportsman Who Wants To Get Away From It All... 
Fisherman's Paradise , Oklahoma  
We Even Have A City Named After Earth's Only Satellite! 
Moon, Oklahoma  

And A City Named After Our State! 
Oklahoma City , Oklahoma  

Feeling A Bit Chilly? 
Snow, Oklahoma  
Slick, Oklahoma  
Cold Springs, Oklahoma  

Oklahoma Is Full Of Love! 
Lovedale , Oklahoma  
Loveland , Oklahoma  
Lovell , Oklahoma  
Bigheart , Oklahoma  
Loyal, Oklahoma  

Like To Read About The Presidents? 
Adams, Oklahoma 
Taylor, Oklahoma 
Fillmore, Oklahoma 
Grant, Oklahoma 
Taft, Oklahoma 
Johnson, Oklahoma 
Lincoln, Oklahoma 
Jefferson, Oklahoma 
Reagan, Oklahoma 
Wilson, Oklahoma 
Roosevelt, Oklahoma 
Carter, Oklahoma 
Clinton, Oklahoma 
Washington, Oklahoma 

Other City Names In Oklahoma To Make You Smile..... 
Frogville, Oklahoma 
Loco, Oklahoma 
Bushyhead, Oklahoma 
Bugtussle, Oklahoma 
Hooker, Oklahoma 
Slaughterville, Oklahoma 
Bowlegs, Oklahoma 
Slapout, Oklahoma 

And Regardless What Side Of The Fence You're On... 
Gay , Oklahoma  
Straight, Oklahoma  

Here Are Some Little Known But Very Interesting Facts About Oklahoma . 

1. The bread twist tie was invented in Maysville. 

2. The shopping cart was invented in Ardmore in 1936. 

3. The nation's first parking meter was intalled in Oklahoma City in 1935. 

4. The first Girl Scout Cookie was sold in Muskogee in 1917. 

5. Cimarron County , located in the Oklahoma Panhandle, is the only county in the U.S. bordered by 4 separate states... Texas , New Mexico , Colorado & Kansas . 

6. The Oklahoma State Capital is the only capital in the U.S. with working oil wells on its grounds. 

7. Boise City , Oklahoma was the only city in the United States to be bombed during World War II. On Monday night, July 5, 1943, at 12:30 a.m., a B-17 Bomber based at Dalhart Army Air Base, Texas , dropped six practice bombs on the sleeping town, mistaking the city lights as target lights. 

8. WKY Radio in Oklahoma City was the first radio station 
transmitting west of the Mississippi River . 

9. The nation's first 'Tornado Warning' was issued on March 25, 1948 in Oklahoma City minutes before a devastating tornado. Because of the warning, no lives were lost. 

10. Oklahoma has the largest Native American population of any state in the U.S.  

11. The name ' Oklahoma ' comes from two Choctaw words... okla meaning 'people' andhumma meaning 'red'. So the name means, 'Red People.' The name was approved in 1890. 

12. Oklahoma produced more astronauts than any other state. 

13. Oklahoma has more man made lakes than any other state. 

14. During the 'Land Rush', Oklahoma City went from a vast, open prairie to a city of over 10,000 in a single day. 

15. The nation's first traffic 'Yield' sign was erected in Tulsa on a trial basis. 

16. Pensacola Dam is the longest multi-arched dam in the world at 6,565 feet. 

17. The ' Port of Catoosa ' (just north of Tulsa ) is the largest 
inland port in America . 

18. The aerosol can was invented in Bartlesville . 

19. Per square mile, Oklahoma has more tornadoes than any other place in the world. 

20. The highest wind speed ever recorded on earth was in Moore , Oklahoma on May 3rd. 1999 during the Oklahoma City F-5 tornado. Wind speed was clocked at 318 mph. 

21. The ' Will Rogers World Airport ' and the ' Wiley Post Airport ' are both named after two famous Okies....both killed in an airplane crash!!! 

Cowboy's Ten Commandments 
(1) Just one God. 
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa. 
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'. 
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting. 
(5) Put nothin' before God. 
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal. 
(7) No killin'. 
(8) Watch yer mouth. 
(9) Don't take what ain't yers. 
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff 
Now that's plain an' simple don'tcha think?

It still gets worse...

Mom called me last night.. she is losin her job.. 

This lil guy is my latest creation... but I dont know what his name should be... 

My new riding jacket.. I love it.. I bought it for about $200 from Honda.

This is our newest lil guy.. well actually he is bigger than Kali.. He is only 2 yrs and still just a big PUP! He's a pretty pitt tho.. I still like my rotts and huskies but I doubt I will ever get to have my dogs.. :(

fear con't.

Alot of what I said.. well ok.. I did have a great time when I was actually with Jonas. He did ALOT for me and all. I would never take that back. and now.. I havent been hanging out with any guys so I wouldnt start a huge fight or an argument or anything with Kevin, like it use to be with Jonas.. Now I have been so depressed cause I dont see any friends. Kevin thinks if I go to school events I would have plenty of people that would talk to me and guys are drawn to me. . but thats not true. At school. I hardly talk to anyone except to a few that I went to High school with. I dont even know most the peoples names that are in my classes.. I am use to being around people all the time. In school or not. I was always going somewhere and doing something. Now I am just home all the time. the other day I went to lunch with Laray and Adam and I felt bad cause Kevin wasnt there and I didnt tell him Adam was going yet. I saw Adam at school when I went to pick Laray up.. I felt to bad even doing that.. 

Maybe after everything I should just curl up.. lose all contact.. just say hi every once in awhile on myspace maybe.. and that way I could just leave and go where ever with out any ties to this place. Even though no one really ever talks to me.. There are people I still care about.. IDK :(

artwork

This was another drawing assignment.. Its 3 chairs..

My first painting! 

I know its not that good and I am still working on it. I just have not had time to do anymore to it.. 

My Charcoal drawing.  I did this for my drawing and composition class. I was a still life that my teacher set up. 

This was suppose to be a self portrait.. but I squished my face to much!  I didn't want to add color cause I would mess it up. I could do more shading though.

 

So this was complete boredom.. My hand was black and green for a few days after this one!

now my step-dad

My step-dad got admitted to the hospital this morning. He has an intestinal blockage.. They are draining his stomach and if it dont work then surgery! He wont take care of himself and he has diabetes. he is suppose to be on a diet but isnt. He quit drinking a yr ago which is a plus.. so he isnt getting pancreatitous now.. but because of all the food he eats he is doing this to himself. It will be the 3rd surgery because of this..

worried

So the whole thing with Jonas is ok now. I still feel really bad about hurting him, and I still am too afraid to hang out with alot of my guy friends. I dont want to start fights with Kevin or make him upset. I really couldnt handle that again. 

My niece and nephews will be here in July... I am so excited!

Then again.. I am scared, worried and depressed about everything else.. between work and school, I never see my friends, My dad has a nerve disease and is slowly dying it might be this year or many many years.. there is no telling. I am just so stressed and worried right now!

I have been talkin to Jonas more latley That makes me happy since I need someone right now

My April updates....

I have been so busy lately and stressed. I have been so behind on my school work. I have to do a gargoyle in clay (which Christina said looks like a demonic cat!) I have to pant a poster over my favorite book, play, or movie.. I do not know what my favorite is. I am going to attempt to do Acheron ( a book). I am also working on a graffiti piece, we had to use a 3-4 letter work and make is unreadable. Not the easiest for me. Luckily I have a take home test in New Testament ( wed- mon). I guess a Miracle happened! I have tues-thurs off. 3 days in a row... CRAZY!! I am excited for May! YAY! 

My step sisters baby shower is May 18th

Mom leaves for the Dakotas and then to Wyoming to see Mount Rushmore and Yellow Stone And my nephew lives in Wyoming!  May 18th

Leave for Italy May 20-30

Cousins Britt’s wedding May 31st

Brothers 35th birthday May 31st

Concert in Eufaula Cross Canadian Ragweed May 31st 

Cousin Kyles wedding June 6th

Chriss had her baby 3 weeks ago. Uriah Lee Nelson Jr. 

Mary and her baby boy Zidane is doing good Robert (her husband) left for basics. So She is having a tough time. 

I am nervous about next semster--I am switchin my major to business. It is going to be alot harder. but I am ready for a change. I am actually getting tired for color theory and 3-d design. i love art but I a getting so burnt out! 

SO I broke down on Kevin the other day. I never have time to see any of my friends. I see them for about 30 max at a time. I never get out of the house except when me a Kevin go somewhere dont get me wrong. I love going places with him. but I need friends too.. as I have said in a previous blog. I havent wanted to go out with a guy or an ex cause I have been there and boyfriends dont really like that. Kevin wants me to go now cause he says I havent been very happy lately.. He thought I wasnt happy with him or living here, but thats not it. I just wanna go out and see my friends but I hardly ever have freakin time between school and work and I try and be with Kevin during my free time. I have had a really bad attitude lately due to many reasons. I use to not get mood swings hardly at all, they have been BAD this past month or too. But I am going to try and fix that. Hopefully once school is out it will help ALOT! 

Kevin took me out to eat in the City last night. We went to OUTBACK steak house. It was yummy. the scraps went to the dogs.. Kevins burger was HUGE! We are going to paln a day and go to Norman.. I wanna go to the little river zoo.. I didnt even know Norman HAD a ZOO!  lol. I missed the medieval fair. BUT! We are also gonna plan a day to ThunderValley. can u believe I have never been there! We are gonna go with a bunch of friends. Eric and Pete have some bikes and Pete is going to take his Busa on the track.  

almost there

SO my life is about to get alot harder. I am going into a business degree. Not sure what yet. YAY! MORE FREAKIN HOMEWORK. So anyways, Kevin and I are doing GREAT! He is actually passed out on the couch right next to me.. He has to work early in the morning so he is always so tired. Last week My bro's step son shot himself. That was a hard time for my family. He was only 15. 

On a better note, Kevin and I went shoppin the other day. I got a new Laptop ( a Macbook)... $1700!!!! Then I spend another $360 on a riding jacket and Kevin a new Helmet. I am going to get me a helmet next. I will need one for the trips. Like to Thunder Valley and stuff. So I will have to break in a new helmet. I want it to match atleast somewhat to my jacket. SS (Strength and Speed) is the brand. Its black and pink writing. I almost got a Icon camo one. but I am so small only X-small jackets fit!!!!! 

So in school, I got invited to Phi Eta Sigma. Thats exciting I just hope I dont mess it up! 

Well its past 1 am... NIGHT!

fear

I think this blog is more for me than anyone else..

I need to get this out...

When I was with Jonas... we got into so many fights... Everything I did.. everything I didnt do.

It got to the point, When I hung out with friends he complained.. I wasnt talkin to him enough. When something would happen and I would be talkin to a friend about something important he got mad I wasnt talkin to him. When I was trying to be good about everything, I was still accussed. (when i was at sonic.. First time I have ever screamed at anyone. He said I had plans this weekend apperently I didnt know about) It got to the point he talked crap on my friends before ever knowing them, then the ones he "was going to kill" When I talked to them he yelled at me. I couldnt go to a club with friends cause they werent all that he has gone to enough so I couldnt go even tho I never been to one. I couldnt tan, highlight my hair, exersice. Alot of times he wouldnt even believe that I went running back in the summer. When I was sleeping, usually he would not believe me. He got mad when I play fought with my friends. When I was in Hawaii and told him anything that me and his bro did when he was at work he would accuse me of liking his bro cause I was talkin about him.. I was just trying to tell him what the hell we did while he was at work. It was like if I talked about it to much I was covering something but if I did say anything I was hiding something. Dont get me wrong, some was my fault. I do feel bad about how I hurt Jonas.. Not all of it was bad. There was somethings about him that kept me with him.. appearently more good then bad but the bad was always in the back of my mind. Makin me want to rebel by this time and I am not sure why it was that way. i know so much was my fault. I lost his trust in the beginning and ultimately, even though he was willin to forget it and start over. I knew he would never trust me and I didnt want that.. 

Now with Kevin. I am so scared to even make him doubt me. I know he is not jonas. but I feel like there is a mental scaring there I cant get rid of. I dont want to go anywhere with a guy. Dont really wanna hang out with any guys especially the ones he doesnt know. I have a chance to go to Hawaii for only 1/2 the plane ticket ($500). Thats all I would have to pay. I cant do it. I want to but not bad enough to do it. Any possible way I could make Kevin doubt me or feel uncomfortable I am trying the opposite to do. I dont want what happened to me and jonas to happen again. I want the good part to happen not that bad.

I have a fear now, I am tired of being yelled at. I didnt feel like there was anyway to go back and fix me and Jonas. I was tired and crushed. I know I hurt him and he didnt trust me. I am not saying I am perfect. but I am trying so hard now. I dont think kevin realizes how much I dont want to hurt him. I have told him some but I dont know to what extent he knows. I have only told Shane.. I dont talk to anyone besides co-workers cause they are the only ones I even talk to anymore. I miss some things bout Jonas the better things... but i hurt him so bad.. I have known him for like 6 yrs and I dont wanna ever stop talkin to him. 

I am not saying I dont trust myself. I am still hurt over past things that i just have not gotten over yet. Im workin on it tho...

so far and plans for summer...

So far everything has been going ok. Kevin might be losin his job soon.. But we will figure something out. I get paid tomorrow and it should be about a $700 check ( I hope) I got 84 reg hrs and 12 overtime. Kevin is working late today. I cant believe it is 4pm and I have done abosutely NOTHING but sit around the house and play on the comp ( a first!) I feel quite lazy for a change. So Anyways I was suppose to go on a trip with the school to Switzerland, Germany and France. But instead I am going to Rome and Italy with my dad. there were not enough people to go with the school. So I will only be gone about a week & 1/2 in Rome. instead of 25 days. I am still extremly excited. And if we are back my May 31 I am going to meet up with my brother (Steve) in Eufaula since its his b-day and go to the CCR concert. we will just be on the boat but it will be fun. John is getting married either in June or July. and my 2 cousins are getting married. Kyle (age 19)is the 1st week of June to his 2nd babys momma and Britt(age 17) the next week. I am not sure when Andrea (step-sis) her baby shower is.. its soon. And Kevin and I want to go to McAlester and stay in the town house one weekend and hang out in Eufaula. The town house is really nice! It will be fun to go to the lake this summer. I am going to try and go up there a lil more this summer. My work really needs another manager in there cause i want to take a lil time off here and there and actually do something. I want to hang out with Kevin as much as I can this summer. Its funny how you can live with someone but never have time to Actually see them or spend anytime together.

confussion!

OK... So This summer.... I can either take 25 days in June and go with my school to Germany and France for $5000 and get 6 credit hours and be with people my age or take 7-10 days at the end of May and go to Rome and Italy with my dad his wife and grandpa and his wife... If I do that then I will have more time to be with Kevin. We want to go an stay in McAlester at Dads town house. Its only like 20 mins to dads and we would have more to do when we are not at dads since there is a movie theater and places to shop unlike in Eufaula.. I would like to hang out with Steve on his birthday on dads boat listenin to the concert, CCR. IDK!!! AGH...
Well off to see watchmen with Kevin. Heard it was good!

Oh.. I guess in June my cousin Kyle (age 19) is getting marred to his 2nd baby's momma and hi sister, Britt (age 17) is getting married the next week. Then in July my brother John is getting married...

Im back

3/10/09 Well, i am still workin myself to death. Last week was kind of a hard week. I was exhausted constantly. Of course as my schedule goes, I work 5 days a week 40-50 hrs a week. I am still the only night manager. My grandpa had cancer in his hip and they did surgery to replace his hip and part of his leg. I went up there last tues and he had lost his will to live.

My laptop has crashed on me... Idk what happened to it. I am going to Eufaula Saturday and my bro said he would fix it for me. I need a new one. I am excited about going to Europe.. cant wait for June then my brother is getting married in July. Hopefully I can put some pics of my art work on here soon so i can have something to show for all my hard work.

another day of my life...

I have been busy busy busy...

Color theory and 3D are fun to me... They are really interesting.

ugh... school...

<-- Cousin and her new baby!

So school started the 2nd.. I am only taking 4 classes this semester, which I have a feeling will be enough! 3 Art classes and for 1 peice of art work takes awhile to create anyways... But I think I will be okay this semester, I will be learning ALOT of new things and using new medias, techniques and such where art is concerned.

So I am still working atleast 5 days a week which is very exhausting! Now Me and 2 others that I work with go out to the airport track at 7 am and go walking. I enjoy it, first I thought.. OMG what did I get myself into! but we went today and I really do enjoy going.. It only takes us an hour to walk it, when we are talking and just going at our own pace. Only bad part, I am a lil on the tired side by the time I get to class at 9. I got a call at the ungodly hour of 5:20 am! My boss had to have me come and unlock the store because her keys where inside the store.. So my day started way to early for me!

As far as me and Kevin go, we are doing great! He hasnt been able to sleep lately unlike me, I pass out and im unwakable and unmovable at times : ) the doggies are sound asleep next to me right now. Kali always thinks I want her to sleep ON TOP of me lol. She loves to be close to me or curl up by me. but anytime she does here comes Brody wanting to be right there too. Its hilarious when I lay on the couch and I have one dog curled up on my side(Kali) and the other dog(Brody) on top of her! BTW. Kali is pit (age 5) Brody is Boxer (age??? maybe a yr.. or younger..)

just another day

Hey Hey...
So I got a new phone. Kevin bought me an eternity (touch screen). I talked to my mom and she thought I should go ahead a move in with Kevin. I was really happy she agreed with it. I couldnt stay at Chris and Kendras any longer because I was being charged way to much. I was paying half between the 3 of us.
Well, things here in my new house are going well. I set up my desk, i have my own area for my desk for my school work and personal art work and stuff. He got switched to days and now works 8-4:30. Yesterday I cleaned, I got alot done around the house. I hate seeing my stuff all over the house just in boxes or layin around. I almost got everything put into place. I am happy though. Still have more todo before I start back to class.
Work is going well, I got called in at 5:30 yesterday but was able to come back home by 6:30. The other managers electric went out and she lives 27 miles out so her alarm didnt go off and she had to get ready by flash light. I have been working about 40 hours a week if not more. I got a raise a lil while back so I am almost at 9. I am still the lowest paying manager but I have been there the longest, but I like it there well.. its an easy job for me and I am use to it. I can get it all done fast and do anything there.
I started on the birth control shot, ya.. thats not going to well with my body. I am quite tired of it. O speakin of that, Chriss fell on the stairs at her house the other day and hurt her knee. Her dad freaked because he thought she feel all the way down there stairs. She went to Unity and they told her not to put ice or heat on it. She said screw it and had her husband take her to Mercy. They think she tore her acl. She will have an mri tomorrow and if so, then they will take the baby early and she will go into surgery. If she does, then she will have the baby and surgery all at mercy since Unity are idiots. Oh... and for the girls NEVER go to Jackie Odeal!

First blog...

So I figured I would get on here and play around since my mom has one. If nothin else this can be for you mom : ). So anyways, first Semester at OBU went ok. 3A's and 2B's working 40 hours a week and still made better grades than the people who hardly work. That made me happy. I was really afraid I was going to do bad in a class or two cause I got a bit behind. I am actually excited for next semester now. I have a new testament class and 3 art classes.
Finally got my raise at work, up to 8.75. Not quite what I would like since the new manager makes 9.50, but its close enough for now. My GM had to take her husband to the ER in the city ( cause Unity sucks). He was shaking really badly, couldnt hold onto anything, couldnt even walk most the time with out fallin, and he was blacking out. She was really freaked out yesterday.
Well, today Kevin and I are bout to go to my moms before we go to the city. We are going to go see his bro, Jason and his boyfriend JR, gonna run around the city then go to OLIVE GARDEN.
I went there for my first time (that I can remember) with Kevin back in Nov 29th when we went to tx for my step sister's (Andrea) wedding...